Being Homeless

Today I learned that being homeless is a competitive market.

Nice boots. You liar.

Let me start by saying that early this week, I started watching the first season of NBC's hit show from 2006, 'Heroes.' Last night, I watched the penultimate episode of the season and I decided to save the finale for today.

Here is the scenario. I put the last disc of the season into my DVD player. I go to the kitchen. I make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I sit down on the couch. I hit play. I take a bite of my sandwich. And what do I hear as the opening credits of 'Heroes' starts to appear on my screen?

I hear a dumpster slamming, followed by the noise of cans rolling down the alley behind my apartment building. Great.

I go to my window, and as expected, I see a man in a dirty red t-shirt with grime all over his face going through my dumpster. Steal my garbage? Shame on you. Steal my garbage while totally ruining the finale of season 1 of 'Heroes?' Shame on me. I couldn't allow this. So I put on my shoes and headed out the door.

As I approached the freeloader raiding my trash, I noticed an interesting trait. He only had one arm. With unwavering determination, I continued my patriotic march towards this garbage terrorist.

America.

What happens next totally changed my understanding of homelessness. I started by asking the gentlemen just what the hell he thought he was doing. He informed me (in broken homeless English) that he was stealing cans so he could buy coffee at McDonalds for 50 cents. At least I think that's what he said...

Connection with homelessness?

As I was about to make a citizens arrest and curb stomp this trespassing SOB, he started muttering to himself. I heard some mention of the urgency of his situation. So I laughed loudly. How could someone with no home and no place to be have a sense of urgency or purpose. And then, revelation. He told me that he had to get to the other side of town before "Hickory" got all the cans for the day.

Eureka! Being homeless isn't something to despise at all! It's just business! The market is controlled by McDonalds! Every day, each of the 500 homeless people of St. Cloud, MN race each other to get as many of the discarded soda cans as they can. They recycle the cans for a few pennies until they can afford to walk to McDonalds and buy cheap coffee!

I patted the man on the back and personally gave him a boost into my dumpster.

Happy diving, my new smelly friend.

You see, if we all just took a moment to learn their ways, the homeless and normal people of the world could co-exist.

-Cody M. Logeland

P.S. Just to clear up confusion, this entire blog is sarcastic. I hate the homeless. ;)

P.P.S. Still no internet. Just kickin' it at the library. :p

Are You Still Out There, World?

I still don't have internet. And you know what? All this time without the internet has really made me appreciate the internet. Lately, I have hardly spent any time at all on a computer. No mindless Facebook updates, no endless Wikipedia searches.

I love you, Wikipedia.

You might say that not having the internet has made me a better, more productive human being.

That being said, I want the f*cking internet back now!! I can't take it anymore! I never know what is going on in the world! If a favorite celebrity died, how would I hear about it? If a friend is throwing a party, how will I know about it? I am totally out of the loop on current events! It's SO FRUSTRATING!

Grrr... Anyway, rehearsals for Reefer Madness are going well. We are nearly done blocking the first act. I have got a lot of work to do on one of the dance numbers... Apparently, I am un-coordinated.

Who would've thought?

Also, I seem to get really sweaty when I dance. I've tried several things to remedy this. I won't go in to detail, but none of them have worked.

(These are not actual pictures of Reefer rehearsal. Just FYI.)

So here is some big news (and yes, this news is big to me when I live with no internet!). I finally re-arranged and re-alphabetized by DVD collection!! It is such a momentous event. It happens about twice a year and I have to say, nothing is better looking than a sharply maintained DVD collection.

Oh! And I am also excited about this... On June 19th (which isn't that far away!), Nintendo will be releasing "The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time" on the Nintendo 3DS portable gaming system!!!!!!!!!!! This is important for several reasons.

For one thing, I'm gonna have to bite the bullet and buy a Nintendo 3DS. I haven't owned a gameboy since I became uncool in early 2001. That's ten years, people.

Secondly, only in my wildest dreams would I ever be able to play "LOZ: Ocarina of Time" on a portable gaming device! You have no idea how many childhood car rides were spent wishing that I could be playing Zelda. WELL!! Apparently all of those useless years praying to the God of video games has payed off! I haven't played a video game in SUCH a long time. This will change... Verily it will be so.

Unfortunately, money is an important factor in this venture... Money which I don't have. In fact, I am currently living off of borrowed funds as it is. Not to mention the fact that I owe St. Cloud State University $600 by the end of the month... But after that is out of the way, nothing can stop me!!!!! Except for bills... Mountains and mountains of bills....

God, my life really sucks, I guess.

Well, I don't know when I will get the chance to blog next, so until then, adieu.

-Cody M. Logeland